I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
