I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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