craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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