I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
