I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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