Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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