That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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