does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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