We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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