please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
