We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
