if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
