Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
