I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
