I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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