I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have post one night stand depression
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