Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
