My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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