His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
