I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Green mimosas i think yes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
