We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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