Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
