I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
