if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
