you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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