Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
