she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
