My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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