he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
