its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
