omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
