im drinking this country out of the recession.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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