my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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