I think I won the penis lottery.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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