So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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