the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
