I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
