i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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