There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
