Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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