You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
