drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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