I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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