she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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