i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You left your phone here
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