u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
