yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Life without a bra equals bliss.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
