Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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