Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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