At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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