This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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