that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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