he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
